What Expectations Do You Have of a Life Partner?

You want your marriage to be a great team. Life partners — partners for the business of creating a life.

A great team so you can get the most out of life. Not a partnership that is dragging your life down, rather one that is moving your life upward. 

Some people prioritize other things in a marriage—examples are money, looks or status.

But since what I want is a life of service, I want a marriage that will support that.

Not a marriage that creates more ‘stuff’ or more pleasure, but to do something useful while I am here.

Actually the ‘being the love’ part is easy. It’s our nature to love.

If once upon a time, you fell so in love that you chose to spend the rest of your life with this person, then that strong love is there, ready to blossom again. 

You actually know this. You know you love this person. That’s why you’re confused when you feel you don’t like them.

Do you imagine love should easy like it was when you first fell in love?

Love is easy when all the clutter and mess of arguments, spoken or silent grudges, is cleared away. 

And it can be that easy when you become clear on what to expect from the other person. It just happens naturally when you have accurate expectations. 

The secret is to stop having any expectations of the other person. Just appreciate them.

Martha Beck says “Try allowing other people to be exactly as they are. They are going to do it anyway.”

We aren’t trained to do this—we’re taught that the purpose of a marriage is to make us happy. And when we aren’t happy, we are taught to rearrange the spouse or the marriage.

When you are feeling low, it’s so easy to imagine the problem is the other person.

We are taught to have expectations — if s/he did xyz, then I’d be happy. 

But when you have a whole set of expectations that the other person never even agreed to, or didn’t know that they agreed to, you are going to be disappointed and angry. 

So there are two levels of expectations to get clear on:

1) what do you expect out your marriage?

2) what are your expectation of your partner?