Is being happily married equivalent to being enlightened?

How is being happily married equivalent to being enlightened?

Well, it depends on what your definition of enlightenment is.

I believe it to be something that we're trying to do as a culture as a species as a human species.

I like the 'think global, act local' kind of enlightenment.

In other words, I absolutely think it starts with each one of us. It has to be something that we choose inside of ourselves.

Then it extends out to your immediate environment to the people around you. You know your family, your friends, and I think your spouse is absolutely the hardest person to behave in an enlightened fashion with.

And then the next step is how do we contribute to enlightening the whole species.

This is a bodhisattva expression of what enlightenment. I could be having a great experience but if other people are not having an equally great experience or a somewhat great experience, then what difference does it make? Why is it interesting that I'm having a great experience?

So, in today's culture, lots of people are having little enlightenment experiences. I call these trippy experiences.

But I don't think that a trippy experience is the same thing as being enlightened.

I think, as a matter of fact, people who have trippy experiences they can spend a lot of energy trying to get back to that experience, or holding on to that experience, or it can be a way that you think you're special.

As a matter of fact, I consider these people who have had an enlightenment experience and then are spending a lot of energy trying to get back to that experience and holding their egos that "I'm enlightened," those to me are really sad lives actually.

So don't try to be like them.

What does the word ego, a word that's bandied about in enlightenment circles, but what would it mean in the context of an intimate relationship?

It would mean if you had an ego, that you're trying to protect yourself. You see yourself as an individual who's goals and needs, and well-being are separate.

Versus being interconnected, present, open to the to your environment, seeing that the well-being of one person is the well-being of everyone, seeing that you can't have a winner and a loser of an argument.

Especially in a home, especially in an intimate relationship, if one person wins at the expense of another person, it might work in the short run.

It's absolutely not going to work in the long run, in an intimate relationship.

The well-being of everyone includes you. You are included in every one.

For example, compassion is another example of 'think global, act local.'

Without self-compassion, compassion is forced, inauthentic, actually uncomfortable, and isn't going work in the long run.

The most beautiful kind of care you can give someone is open-hearted compassion that comes from your true heart.

And your heart is opened by self-compassion.

Another similarity between what I consider to be a happy marriage and enlightenment is that in each moment you know you're free to make an optimal choice.

It's moment by moment. It's not a bunch of rules about how people are behaving.

It's moment by moment, having freedom.

It's an enlightened perspective to know that you have freedom to make any choice in any moment.

And to want to make a choice that includes everyone that is optimal for everyone.

So, there's the enlightened person who had a big enlightenment experience, they're great in front of an audience, but they're horrible to their family. They're horrible in their home, their home environment. We've heard of these people.

Also, there's the great enlightened master who does very unethical things in their community, to their community members. Steals money or has sex inappropriately. We've all heard of these people.

I suggest a kind of enlightenment which is you, which is your choice to behave kindly, openly, compassionately, with presence, to your family members, to your loved one.

On a daily basis, this is contributing to the well-being of everyone on the planet.

Even though it may not seem like it, the more people that make this choice and you standing for this choice, you affect the people around you also to make this choice.

And really this is the only way we're going to survive as a species.

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