How could self-compassion create a more intimate relationship?

Self-compassion skills are actually crucial to maintaining a good relationship with your intimate partner.

For example, I had often asked Michael for help in a way almost to assure I was NOT going to get support—especially in those moments when I was most miserable. Why is it when we need help the most, we lose our ability to ask for help?

What I thought was that he was supposed to 'know' how to be helpful.

He would ask, "What can I do to help?" And since I had no idea how to answer, I would get angry and push him away.

And the fight that would ensue, these kinds of fights: me feeling profoundly disappointed and uncared for and him feeling I was dangerous and crazy. These kinds of fights were really hard on our relationship.

Instead, with self-compassion, I knew how to get support in a way I never had previously.

Using self-compassion first, when he said: "What can I do to help?" I knew exactly what was needed.

Once I had a good self-compassion practice, I might need some time curled up in bed like a fetus, but then I was able to get super clear.

Clear inside of myself, the kind of clarity that comes from self-compassion, has a different feel than any other kind of solutions. It feels perfectly clear.

With self-compassion, I knew specifically, exactly what would be helpful, and I knew how to ask for help.

Or if I didn't could say, "I don't yet know what would be helpful but thank you. I'll get back to you if I think of something. You are so sweet to ask."