Save the Planet/ Save your Marriage

For humans to survive on this planet, a change needs to happen inside of each one of us.

And that same change creates a joyful marriage.

Because the planet is at such a critical juncture, I need to tell the hard truth—we each need to decide to be grown-ups.

Each one of us individually needs to make this choice, which is the only way it can happen. Because you have free will, no one else can make this choice for you.

And it's the most important thing that needs to happen. Everything else will flow from here.

You have to decide for yourself that you want to live a life of kindness and devoted to the benefit of everyone.

Because you are included in 'everyone' it means you are choosing a life of kindness to yourself.

It's a choice, and it's an evolution. The first evolution in history to occur by choice.

Once enough of us make this choice, it's mainstream, and we'll know what to do about the laggards. We can't wait for others to behave before we decide to live our own best life.

And the best way to practice being a grown-up is inside of intimate relationships. Our marriage is the place where each of us regularly confronts our most un-grown up self.

How to become a grown-up in your marriage? Two changes:

ONE—learn self-compassion skills, so you can dig in and care for yourself BEFORE you try to solve problems in your marriage.

With self-compassion, you know how to care for your 'stuff.' Only then you are ready to give feedback and make requests in your marriage.

TWO—each one of us has to give up the fantasy that our intimate partner owes us anything other than companionship.

They don't need to agree with our opinions, remember our anniversary, or behave in any way that we deem correct. They can if they want to—but they have free will too.

This misconception, misunderstanding, mis-education, that we are taught about love causes all arguments. Literally.

If you are a precious expression of the divine with a unique mission, so is your partner. Treat them like that, then your knowledge of yourself as the divine increases.

And then......when your partner chooses to do something for you, it's not out of heavy, yucky, love-killing obligation.

It's pure love and generosity.