The Species Saving Distinction: Power-With or Power-Over

Who would have thought, the place where we are interconnected, the place where argument disappears, were we all agree, is inside?

My inner knowing is found inside me. And it is my inner knowing that can find solutions that work for everyone.

When we are having an argument with our intimate partner, we think it's extremely important to get our point across.

A radical assertion: making choices that serve the benefit of everyone in the situation is very possible.

Then we have a relationship where everyone is a winner. All arguments become an opportunity for rich intimacy.

This is possible once we know how, once we’ve learned to have relationships based on the benefit of everyone.

We were taught wrong - our whole society, our parents, everything we've always known, has taught us to have relationships with the goal of serving ourselves. Or serving the other.

Either/or, either I ‘win’ or you ‘win.’

Win-win is the only possible way to win. With win-lose everyone loses.

Until we learn there is a solution that serves everyone, we really don’t know any other way.

This is very a radical assertion.

But as it transforms our intimate relationships, we grow more and more confident that it’s true.

This is totally doable and key to harmonious relationships. We see more and more that this distinction is a choice in each moment.

We have a choice during a conflict—power-with or power-over. Do we aim to empower everyone in the circumstance or do we aim to have control and win?

This is a crucial distinction.