How not to Apologize

There’s a distinction between a true apology verses an apology meant to simply tidy up the external world.

Apologizing because you’ve truly realized something new as opposed to apologizing so your partner will stop being mad.

When you have the capacity for self-compassion, doing something ‘wrong’ isn’t to be avoided at all costs. Then you’re able to truly hear something new, something that you wish you had done differently. You hear it so deeply that you're likely not do it again. Certainly not in the exact same way, at any rate.

With self-compassion the clarity of understanding happens organically. You don’t have to memorize or promise anything. Genuine learning and transformation occurs spontaneously.

Totally different than apologizing to make somebody feel better so they will like you again. Or to make yourself feel less guilty or embarrassed.

These efforts to rearrange how things seem in the external world, these are not going to be learning experiences. Little or nothing is accomplished. It’s simply to avoid feeling uncomfortable in that moment.

The first one is for your evolution. You are participating in evolving our species, doing the good work on behalf of all of us. You bring all of us forward.

The other way is you are avoiding a momentary discomfort. Because you don’t have the capacity to love yourself in spite of the discomfort learning can create. You are stuck in the mud, spinning your wheels but going no where.