Richard Schwartz, the creator of Internal Family Systems, says the Self has these characteristics: calmness, curiosity, clarity, compassion, confidence, creativity, courage, and connectedness.

He calls them the 8 Cs of self-leadership.

I can affect my situation, infect my life partnership, with these qualities.

I can spread these qualities in my connection and commitment to my 8 Cs. I ignite them in my marriage, by igniting them within me.

Everyone has a Self, including the 8 Cs, which is at the core of their being. At essence, we all mean well. We all, in essence, embody calmness, curiosity, clarity, compassion, confidence, creativity, courage, and connectedness.

Remarkably, amazingly, we ALL mean well. This is the revolution that is Internal Family Systems. A complete revolution when we realize that everyone means well.

Not everyone who means well can also “do well.”

When you are able to also “do well,” you are able to hold all points of view (in a specific situation) and chose the most optimal solution for everyone involved. Not though mind. Not through thinking. Not through figuring it out.

It happens spontaneously.

We go inside to find the place where we are able to make an actionable, solution-oriented, beneficial choice in that moment. 'Everyone' in a particular moment, in a specific situation.

Because everyone has the 8 Cs, in challenging moments, when I connect to my 8 Cs, I connect to my intimate partner's 8 Cs.

Because I am included in 'everyone' self-compassion is the essence. Self-compassion is the starting place.

Absolutely, compassion without self-compassion isn't sustainable, spontaneous, genuine compassion.

Compassion without going inside first isn't compassionate at all. It's sticky sweet and contrived.

So somehow magically and counter-intuitively, the place that I can connect to everyone is inside me. Inside me is a connection to 8 billion humans. Every single one of 8 billion humans has a True Self. Is this the meaning of the spiritual principle 'we are all interconnected?'

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Eight Billion Humans Inside Me

Peace, Love, Marriage

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